ANNOUNCEMENT

BREAKING: Méthode Traditionnelle Society RELAUNCHES with new 47-page application process and $500 annual membership fee!

The Phoenix Rises from the Ashes!!

Hey fellow spontaneous fermentation connoisseurs and turbid mash enthusiasts!

After a brief 7-year hiatus (we were busy perfecting our barrel char specifications and arguing about the exact temperature range for coolship cooling), the Méthode Traditionnelle Society is BACK and better than ever!

What's New in 2.0:

Enhanced Gatekeeping Protocol: Our certification now requires a minimum of 73 specific production steps, including documentation of your local microclimate's barometric pressure during cooling

Premium Pricing Structure: $500 annual membership fee (peasants need not apply), plus $200 per beer evaluation, plus $1,000 for the sacred logo licensing rights

Exclusive Vocabulary Training: Learn to say "this lacks the terroir complexity of true Pajottenland expressions" with a straight face

Mandatory Pilgrimage: All applicants must spend 6 months volunteering at Cantillon while posting Instagram stories about "earning your stripes in the old country"

New Certification Tiers:

🥉 MT-Basic ($25,000 bond required): For breweries that think they understand spontaneous fermentation

🥈 MT-Artisanal ($50,000 bond + firstborn child): Includes complimentary condescending looks from Belgian lambic masters

🥇 MT-Transcendent ($100,000 bond + soul): You may now legally use the phrase "méthode ancestrale" while stroking your waxed mustache

What This Means for YOU:

No more confusion about whether your $35 bottle of "American Wild Ale" is actually respecting 400 years of Belgian tradition! Now you'll KNOW it's legitimate because we said so and charged you enough money to prove it.

Finally, consumers can distinguish between:

  • Genuine artisanal spontaneous ales (MT certified, obviously)
  • Fake artisanal spontaneous ales (those sellout breweries who "prioritize accessibility over authenticity")
  • Grocery store sour beers (we don't speak of these)

FAQ:

Q: Why did the original program fail?
A: Clearly because breweries like TRVE and De Garde lacked the vision to appreciate true regulatory excellence. Also, consumers weren't sophisticated enough to understand our genius.

Q: How is this different from just calling it "American Wild Ale"?
A: We have STANDARDS now. Plus legal fees. Lots of legal fees.

Q: Won't this just make already expensive beer even more expensive?
A: That's the point! If you can't afford $45 for a 375ml bottle, you probably don't have the refined palate necessary to appreciate the subtle notes of bureaucracy and artificial scarcity.

Q: What about breweries that make excellent spontaneous beer but don't want to participate?
A: They clearly hate tradition and probably use Lallemand yeast when nobody's looking.

How to Apply:

  1. Submit 47-page application (available only in Comic Sans font)
  2. Provide 3 references from Belgian lambic producers (good luck!)
  3. Complete our intensive 18-month correspondence course: "Turbid Mashing: Philosophy and Praxis"
  4. Successfully pass our blind taste test (hint: the correct answer is always "needs more Brett")
  5. Pledge allegiance to the sacred coolship
  6. Renounce all kettle souring techniques forever
  7. Get a tattoo of Jean Van Roy's approval rating on your brewing arm

Testimonials:

"Finally, a way to charge $50 for beer that tastes exactly like my $18 bottles but with extra paperwork!" - Anonymous Brewery Owner

"I was worried consumers might start thinking for themselves about beer quality. Thank god for artificial barriers to entry!" - Definitely Not A Marketing Executive

"As someone who exclusively drinks beer that costs more than minimum wage, I fully support anything that makes craft beer less accessible to the poors." - TotallyReal_BeerInfluencer

"Finally, someone who understands that good beer requires:

  1. Expensive certification
  2. Limited availability
  3. Confusing French terminology
  4. Existential dread about authenticity
  5. At least 3 years of barrel aging
  6. A philosophy degree to appreciate properly"

- u/brettismyrelition

Special Launch Offer:

The first 10 applicants will receive a complimentary lecture on why American terroir will never compare to the Zenne Valley, delivered personally by a guy who once visited Brussels and won't shut up about it.

This message approved by the International Council of Beer Pretension and the Society for Making Simple Things Unnecessarily Complicated.

EDIT: Some people are asking if this is satire. The fact that you can't tell is exactly why American craft beer needs more regulation and higher prices. SMH my head.

EDIT 2: Stop DMing me asking where to buy methodetraditionnelle.org domain. It's already been purchased by a Australian cryptocurrency startup that makes NFTs of barrel-aged beer concepts.

EDIT 3: Yes, we know Hill Farmstead makes amazing spontaneous ales without any certification. That's exactly the problem we're trying to solve.

APPLY NOW!

Ready to join the elite ranks of certified gatekeepers? Fill out our exclusive pre-application below to receive your 47-page application packet and begin your journey toward true spontaneous fermentation enlightenment!