The Complete History of How American Craft Beer's Most Pretentious Certification Program Spectacularly Face-Planted Into Oblivion
A Masterclass in Missing the Point
Buckle up, beer nerds! Time for the most expensive lesson in "how to solve problems nobody asked you to solve" that American craft brewing has ever produced. This is the complete oral history of how a bunch of well-meaning brewers spent 7 years creating the craft beer equivalent of New Coke, except somehow more pretentious and less successful.
SPOILER ALERT
The entire program crashed and burned so hard that even the domain name got repossessed. We're talking full organizational collapse, zero consumer awareness, and founding breweries going out of business and quietly pretending it never happened. But hey, at least we got some really expensive bottles out of it!
Chapter 1: "How Hard Could It Be?" - The Hubris Begins (2016)
Our story begins in November 2016 when Jeffrey Stuffings at Jester King Brewery had what seemed like a reasonable idea: "Hey, what if we created a certification program for American spontaneous beers that respects Belgian tradition?"
Narrator: It was not reasonable.
The "Brilliant" Original Plan
Step 1: Call it "Méthode Gueuze" (because adding French makes everything classier)
Step 2: Get Jean Van Roy from Cantillon to say it's cool
Step 3: ???
Step 4: Profit and industry respect
The problem? Nobody thought to ask the Belgians first. You know, the people who actually invented this stuff and might have opinions about Americans slapping their terminology on Texas beer.
Plot twist: They had very strong opinions.
Chapter 2: "Excuse Me, WTF?" - The Belgian Response (March 2017)
Enter HORAL (High Council for Artisanal Lambic Beers), aka the final bosses of lambic gatekeeping. These are the folks who've been protecting Belgian beer culture since before craft brewing was even a thing in America.
HORAL's Very Polite "F*** You" Letter
Key phrases from their March 2017 response:
- "Lack of respect" ✅
- "Very opportunistic" ✅
- "Outspoken mercantile" ✅ (fancy way of saying "money grab")
- "Money chasers" ✅ (less fancy way of saying "money grab")
Suddenly, Jester King found themselves in an international incident over beer naming conventions. The craft beer world watched as Texas brewers got schooled by Belgian traditionalists who've been making this stuff since before America existed.
Industry publications had a field day with headlines like "The American Lambic Wars" because nothing says "we've lost perspective" like declaring war over fermentation terminology.
Chapter 3: "Fine, We'll Compromise" - Diplomatic Solutions (June 2017)
Realizing they'd stepped in it, Jester King did something surprisingly mature: they flew to Belgium to negotiate face-to-face with the people they'd accidentally offended.
The Belgium Peace Summit
American Delegation: Jeffrey Stuffings (Jester King) & James Howat (Black Project)
Belgian Delegation: Pierre Tilquin, Werner van Obberghen (3 Fonteinen), Frank Boon
Outcome: "Fine, you can call it 'Méthode Traditionnelle' but stop using our words"
And thus, "Méthode Traditionnelle" was born - the compromise nobody asked for, solving a problem most people didn't know existed, with a name that sounds like a pretentious wine course.
Chapter 4: "Let's Make This Official" - Standards Overload (September 2017)
Fresh from their diplomatic victory, the founding breweries decided to create the most comprehensive, nitpicky, absolutely-no-fun-allowed standards in craft beer history. We're talking 20+ requirements that would make the Reinheitsgebot look relaxed.
The "Simple" Requirements List
Just a few highlights from their totally reasonable standards:
- 50-65% pale malted barley with 35-50% raw wheat (mathematically precise!)
- Turbid mashing with exactly 15% pre-boil volume removal
- Aged hops (12+ months minimum, because fresh is for peasants)
- Coolship cooling for 8-16 hours between 180°F and 80°F
- 100% spontaneous fermentation (obviously)
- Extensive documentation (because brewers love paperwork)
The result? A certification program more complex than most college degrees, requiring brewers to document their barometric pressure, track their hop aging, and basically turn beer-making into an SAT exam.
Because nothing says "fun craft beer" like mandatory compliance documentation!
Chapter 5: "Thanks, But No Thanks" - Industry Rejection (2017-2018)
Here's where things get chef's kiss beautiful. The program launched with great fanfare, expecting breweries to line up for the privilege of paying extra money to follow extra rules to charge extra prices.
Actual industry response: Collective shrug
Epic Rejections from Qualified Breweries
De Garde Brewing (Trevor Rogers):
Called the program "capitalistic" and questioned why good beer needed to cost more. Basically said "we make amazing spontaneous beer for reasonable prices, why would we make it worse?"
TRVE Brewing (Zach Coleman):
Published a philosophical masterpiece basically arguing that certification is antithetical to American brewing's rebellious spirit. Money quote:
"As American brewers, it is all but in our DNA that we must continually rebel against any limitations or laws placed upon what we can create."
Translation: "Take your fancy French certification and shove it."
The real kicker? Both De Garde and TRVE made beer that easily met all the technical requirements. They just looked at the program and said "nah, we're good" because they understood something the founders missed:
Good beer sells itself. Paperwork doesn't make it better.
Chapter 6: "Is Anyone Buying This?" - Market Reality Check (2018-2020)
Meanwhile, in the real world, consumers were doing what consumers do best: completely ignoring industry certification programs they never asked for.
The Cold, Hard Numbers
- Breweries that actually used the certification consistently: Maybe 3-5
- Consumer brand awareness: Approximately zero
- Premium pricing success: LOL
- Industry adoption rate: Statistical error levels
- BJCP recognition: Still waiting...
Turns out, craft beer drinkers were perfectly capable of identifying quality spontaneous ales without needing a certification mark to tell them what was good. Wild, right?
Meanwhile, the certified beers sat on shelves at $25-35 per bottle while similar non-certified beers from respected breweries flew off shelves at lower prices. The market had spoken, and it said "we don't care about your fancy paperwork."
Chapter 7: "This Website Is No Longer Available" - Total Collapse (2020-2021)
And then, the most predictable ending in craft beer history: complete organizational collapse.
Signs of the Apocalypse
- Website abandoned - methodetraditionnelle.org went dark
- Domain listed for sale - because nothing says "success" like a liquidation sale
- Founding breweries stopped using logos - even they gave up
- No new adoptees after 2018 - turns out the first were also the last
- Steering committee disbanded - rudderless ship meets iceberg
The final insult? r/beercirclejerk eventually bought the domain, because apparently the entire program had become such a meme that the beer comedy subreddit felt the need to own it.
You know you've failed spectacularly when the people making fun of craft beer culture want to own your intellectual property.
Chapter 8: "What Did We Learn?" - Lessons in How Not To
The Expensive Lessons
Lesson 1: Nobody Asked For This
Market research tip: Before solving a problem, make sure it actually exists and people want it solved.
Lesson 2: Freedom Loving Brewers Hate Being Told What To Do
Shocking revelation: American craft brewers don't want European regulatory oversight.
Lesson 3: Consumers Don't Care About Your Process
Plot twist: People buy beer because it tastes good, not because you have a tramp stamp.
Lesson 4: Premium Pricing Needs Premium Demand
Charging luxury prices for unknown brands with confusing certifications = bad business model.
Lesson 5: Three Breweries Cannot Create Industry Standards
You need industry-wide support before launching industry-wide initiatives. Wild concept!
Epilogue: "Where Are They Now?"
Jester King: Still making excellent spontaneous ales, rarely mentions MT certification anymore. Turns out good beer was always the answer.
Black Project: RIP.
Funk Factory Geuzeria: RIP 2: Wisconsin Boogaloo.
The Certification Program: Dead, buried, and owned by beer meme lords. A fitting end to craft beer's most expensive lesson in missing the point.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Sometimes the best way to honor a tradition is to make great beer and let it speak for itself, rather than creating complicated bureaucracy that nobody wants or needs.
BONUS LESSON: If your solution to "beer pricing is too high" involves making beer more expensive, you might want to reconsider your approach.
FINAL THOUGHT: The fact that we can make fun of this program so thoroughly while still respecting the breweries involved shows that failure can be educational, expensive, and entertaining all at once.
Sources (Yes, This Actually Happened)
For the skeptics who think this is too ridiculous to be true, here's your homework:
- Jester King's original announcement
- TRVE's philosophical rejection
- Good Beer Hunting's coverage
- Beervana: "The American Lambic Wars"
- The domain that's now a meme
- And dozens more sources documenting this beautiful disaster